A Note For Valentine's Day
Oh, Valentine’s Day. The holiday that celebrates love and romance. Before we get lost in the highs and lows of the occasion, I would like to humbly remind everyone that love is, in fact, very hard work. I know it doesn’t sound romantic and it challenges the notion that love should be easy, but hear me out; the reality is that love is a journey, not a final destination.
Let’s start with self-love. Have you tried loving yourself? Have you tried battling that inner critic that has been running rampant for years? It’s hard work. Worthy work to be sure, but hard work. What about the love you have for your friends? It’s not always fun and games as you grow and change - sometimes in very different directions.
Or what about familial love? There’s nothing like family dynamics that will test your patience, mental fortitude, and ability to navigate the perilous minefield that is dinner table conversation. Finally, romantic love can be particularly challenging to find and keep, especially in our ever-increasing virtual world. If you have tried online dating, you know it’s not just tough… it’s really tough.
So, here are a few reminders of what to do with ourselves when we feel as though we lack the love that we see so conspicuously celebrated at this time of year:
Your worth is not dependent on your relationship status. You are worthy – always have been, always will be. Don’t confuse wanting a loving, healthy relationship with feeling as though you are not enough if you don’t have one.
There is a difference between being in a relationship, versus being in a loving relationship. Remember – loving relationships are marked by affection, respect, loyalty and patience. And social media will never discern which is which, blurring that distinction all the time.
Don’t put blinders on to the love that does exist in your world. Just because you’re not in a relationship, it doesn’t mean there isn’t a really good love worthy of your attention and celebration. For instance…
Honour the ways you cultivate self-love, which looks like setting boundaries, practicing self-care, and taking up space in your own life. Celebrate that love.
And those ride-or-die friends that have your back at every turn? The ones who have listened to you talk about the same problem over and over again, but still hold space for you with love and grace? Celebrate that love.
How about those family members who can drive you crazy giving you all sorts of life advice you never asked for? Or maybe pester you because they want your life to be better than their own? Maybe it’s time to celebrate that love.
You know those loved ones who are no longer with us? But whose unconditional love and acceptance made a mark on your heart and soul? Celebrate that sacred love.
Do not get discouraged if you haven’t reached your “final destination” in terms of relationship status. Instead, commit yourself to the process of love. Commit yourself to celebrating the love that you do have in your life. Commit yourself to cultivating further love in your life.
Reach out to old friends. Connect with colleagues outside of work. Make space to prioritize an activity or hobby that would invite new people into your life. Yes, it requires vulnerability. Yes, it requires authenticity.
Yes, it can put us outside our comfort zone. But nothing new grows inside our comfort zone. Commit yourself to not just landing the relationship status, but following the things that you genuinely love in order to form a loving relationship. Spend time in that space of love. Plant seeds. And watch what grows – as well as how you grow.
Happy Valentine’s Day.